Ode to Harbin Hot Springs

I feel like I could write several entries in my Ode to Harbin Hot Springs, and if you've ever been there  I'm sure you can understand!  For any of you who have never been there, it is a large piece of property in Lake County, CA which has been for many decades an internationally loved clothing optional hot spring and teaching resort.  It recently was consumed by fire and yes, will absolutely be re-built.  But, it will never be what it was......and so here is a tribute to a place that gave me so much:
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Oh Harbin!  For nearly 20 years you have been my place.  The place where it became ok to have the body I was given......

The first time the towel came off I'm thinking to myself, "whoa, I"m really going to do this just - hang out naked with a bunch of strangers - ???!!!"

But then I looked around, and I saw the glorious sagging shoulders, the tanned wrinkles of a tall man's hind side.....the rolls of fat....and I realized what the hell -- you mean, it's ok?  it's just fine??  to be imperfect??

And that was the whole point or rather, the perfection in each unique expression of human embodiment was "ok", no shame to have a body, no reason to hide it's just bodies with souls inside trying so hard to find some balance, to work it out, to be "normal", or to not stand out at least.

Like many people I grew up in an environment which seemed to place shame on the body, particularly as it relates to anything remotely sensual.   So it's interesting that I ended up doing massage therapy for nearly 20 years, learning how to be in my body, while assisting another in being in their body, providing therapeutic touch, learning about breath and holding patterns, subtle realms and --- all of these things having to do with the body.

Being nude at a hot springs is really no big deal, it's absolutely respectful and people are for the most part mindful, in my experience.  I found the experience to be wonderfully healing, every single time.  And so I returned to your shores my dear beloved Harbin, on countless occasions, to soak in the simple safety of "I'm ok just the way I am".  My way of being in my body is alright.  It's ok.  I'm ok.  My body is ok.  The world may not be ok, life might be tough at the moment, but, I'm here now, in this glorious place, so, it's cool, I'm good.........

And then there was also:  your water.

That water, the holy buoyant bounce of minerals carving aerated particles of love on my skin, the slightest slime of earth sliding on my shins, gently protected by the overhanging branches of a healthy happy fig tree, its leaves like giant, fleshy, chlorophyll hands waving in the dappled sun.

The water holds me like a pillow, all soft and smooth, there's no need to move it's just the perfect temperature.  There is no time or space, I am a fig dropped in water by the tree of life....hanging loose in the moment, breathing up and down, integrating, listening, hearing, the zen eye of third mind unfocus......

Then comes an impulse to heat up......I move like a cherub bounding in slow-motion towards the corner, flanked on one side by the fig tree and a giant bouquet of resplendent flowers splayed out against a cobalt blue wall, I float up the half-moon stair and duck into the doorway to the hot pool room, and hydrate.

That hot pool is no joke.   It is 4 and a half feet deep -- or more? -- and full of natural spring water that is very, very hot.  It is safe, but you must stay hydrated and you must know your limits.  For me, it took quite a while to descend.  I had to acclimate at every step, making sure no one needed in or out, giving myself plenty of time, allowing first my feet, waiting waiting waiting.....then my shins, oh wow, this is hot, then my hips, ok whoa, this is amazing, i can do it, and finally allowing myself to submerge up to my neck.

Then:  the basking glow of our agreed SILENCE.......

This was the sacred home to so many, the cascade of muscles just - releasing their hold on  my bones just -- letting go of the holding on -- my knees a prayer of now, my arms floating as if in space -- which is where my mind is, my jaw hanging slack like a weighted sack.  I am in my own experience with laser focus, all my cells are organizing for my survival, trusting myself to know when it's been long enough (which, for me is not too long usually).....

The moment I know, ok, it's time to get out....I just slowly begin to move into action toward the dragon-crafted metal rail.  I love the feeling of grabbing it and pulling myself through that hot water, completely limp and landing my gentle feet on the first step like i was set down by gravity, a weightless form with a name and then pop! up from the heat like a rubber ducky would if it got knocked over, steam coming off my back......

Hydrate.

With ease and an inner wonder I move past the kind anonymous being in the doorway and turn right into the cool wide stair leading up to the cold pool.   The gentle forest overhang is damp and forgiving, eager to hear my silent glee as the steam leaves my skin and I reach for the end of the heavy metal chime, its quiet clang an anthem to the divine.

Exposed to the sky I step onto the wooden platform surrounded by saints and angels hiding behind leaves and branches, guarded by Kwan Yin and the occasional deer with their big, brown, wondering eyes.  I find my way to the cold pool, its silent white stairway brisking me in, colding my breath away, the ancient freeze.....

The perfect bouquet of fresh flowers awaits me in its goddess vase, her ceramic smile so bright it stings, my breath sucked into my chest in shock, the flowers screaming "colors"!!! against a knowing white wall.

My legs are ok, can handle it, but my torso gets so scared!!!  of that cold so I make myself, with one big bounce and a breath, dunk under and immediately emerge up the stairs and out, now brought into the stillest point of all, the perfect contrasted cellular structure where my mind is a vast empty sky.....

I take comfort in the silent solace of soaking souls, blissing inside, dipped in the ancient inferno and the sacrament of cold.

All old souls transform repeatedly upon receipt of this place one is taken when you contrast back and forth, hot/cold, hot/cold, it brings a new kind of center, a now quite contented indeed, so relaxed I have really none whatsoever a need, just, eternal present on the bench....in front of the goddess statue.....ancient wisdom informs the rest, and sweet silence emerges within my sense of self.......
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Thank you oh Harbin, with your communal kitchen and your carpeted porches, your well-worn trails and gardens, your immaculate Temple, your restaurant, your wild turkeys, your store, your library and your creek, your camp-grounds and your showers, for your comfort and your yoga classes: until we meet again old friend!